Thursday, December 23, 2010

December 23.

Today, I realize again, that Im slapped in the face with my sin.

Said it. there it is.

I turn the other cheek to receive a blow from reality and truth.

I should be asleep, but much is on my little mind...

I've realized that this Christmas season, I've been floating along, trying to "get through". The final weeks of school turned me into a zombie. 41 papers this semester, (Yes, I counted), 60+ pages turned in the final week. Just busy. Now Im home, and honestly, Im happy to be relaxed. But, I'm still trying to move on past the "state" the events of the past month has put me in. Emotions can really bite, so can harsh realities.

Facts and truth. Some hurt. However, there is some truth that I am choosing to neglect, and that I need to place again in my heart and my head.

The truth is, my heart is broken, but the truth also is that I serve a God who chose me and loves me, and has better things planned. I can only reflect on the hard for so long. Time to move forward. What that looks like, I don't know. Im slightly nervous, but I must gather the pieces and ask for healing. It is good to have mourned, but as the Psalmist says "Though sorrow may last for the night, Joy comes with the morning"

I need to focus on the Incarnation of Christ, and the sacrifice made. This is no time for a melancholy mood to sink in. God has provided in many other ways, and I must choose to focus on those.

Reconciliation may not come, but thats not my hope. My hope is to find healing in my Savior, and serve him in anyway He calls me to go, even if thats through the deepest waters. I anticipate returning to school, spending time with my students, working with the children Im entrusted to, new classes with new things to learn and possibility of new relationships as well as continuing the old. I want to enjoy the few days I have left here. I need to push past laziness and other distractions and stay in the word as well.

Goodbye dear friend goodbye
perhaps again we shall meet,
but not in the same discourse,
old friend, as it goes
"I bid thee farewell"
no longer more we shall meet as friends,
but as mere fellows who respect one another well
I will not forget the past or throw away what once was
but the future does not behold the same
I shake your hand and congratulate your gain,
I nod my head in approval.
forgiveness is at hand,
but I fear reconciliation may not be so.
I ask you leave me be,
Let us go our separate ways.
Your always welcome at my door,
but change will remain as is
Thank you for all you've done,
I truly mean all,
But now I part on good terms,
Goodbye is all.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

"Let me go get your trouble can!"

Did you know dogs could be trained with cans of coins rattling? They hate the noise. My sister now punishes our new dog with this...interesting

Home free finally. Unfortunately, I have a cold, which made for an awesome southwest flight. Mental health day is today. yes, yes it is. Sleep was great last night, in addition to seeing my family. Im still working on Seminary applications and my resume. In one week, I've turned in 60+ pages of one week. Ive been in the "zone" for a month now. Im finally free! Ive turned in over 30 papers this semester. no quizzes and one objective test. so strange. But its over!

One more semester of college left. It feels so strange. Job hunting, seminary searching..weird. real life starts in June. I'm only home for almost two weeks, then I head home to work. Its weird to call Chicago home, but I do live an apartment. And I do have a job. Somewhat established life? This semester has been tough, but I survived. As usual, Im learning from it. Hard lessons, but yea, its life.

Can anyone explain intuition to me? Mine's outta control lately..its kinda weird.

Oh, the sinus meds are getting to me. I am done. done. I can't say it enough. done. ha ha. done done done done done!

"Well she wants to live her life
And she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back and she screams,
"I don't really want to live this life!"

She only drinks coffee at midnight
When the moment is not right
Her timing is quite

You see, her confidence is tragic
And her intuition magic"