Rollercoaster

So this week is full ups and downs. Dontcha love it when you have to face reality? meh.

I think some reality is just plain crummy, but some is incredibly painful. I hate admitting things, but I know its good for me. How open am I going to be on here? I'll surface it, because I know there are readers out there who struggle with this, so here goes. Loneliness and rejection. Yes. Two things I hide from, avoid, run way ect..However, they exists and I am finally mustering up the courage to face these two. By nature, I typically have trouble crying. I will make the statement " I want to cry" and believe me, the desire is there but a tear may trickle...Finally I prayed the other night and wrote it out. Confessing before the Lord was not easy and the waterworks came out. I love when I do cry. Most days my emotions run deep, but not external. Im grateful in a sense, because I wont just cry anywhere and I can keep my cool. It usually takes alot to stir me. But a few nights ago it all came out. Oh, it hurt, and I literally prayed for Jesus to hold me. Finding comfort in talking to Him, confessing, stripping away pride, never fun but necessary. How else will the healing begin? I also had to write this paper about my life this week for mentoring women class, and that thing just stunk. It took way longer than I expected and was emotionally draining. This has been an unusually emotional week for me. I went to small group tonight and I am always encouraged by those people. I love my church. I am very grateful for a body of believers who care for one another and love the word. This church has such high standards and solid doctrine. I feel blessed. Oh, confessing is not fun, but thats why God gave us each other.

I've written some poetry this week, but thats not for publishing. yet. But in honor of poetry and the gift of laughter, I wlll post the Poem I wrote at 2 AM while on internship one night. Annie typed it in her phone, and we did read this aloud in our health class. So here it is..enjoy!

Dr. Suess on Celiac Sprue
Oh sprue
What did you do?
You damaged my nerves
You messed up my curves!
Don't eat the bread.
It'll mess up your head!
Down with the wheat
An enemy to defeat.
Gotta stay away from dairy
Because it's just so scary.
So many foods my body rejects
Now all edibles must be select.
The bread upon the shelf
Makes my body attack itself.
Going to the store is like a game
Sometimes I nearly go insane!
I inspect each and every label
Wary of foods to set upon the table.
Of each meal prepared I must beware
Oh patients of celiac, if you dare:
Eat the gluten
And you'll be poopin'.
Eat some bread
And you'll be dead!

Contextualize..

Missions conference. Last year I was stressing out over searching for an internship. This year, I search for answers to difficult questions that most people would not think to ask. Postmodernism has creeped its way into missions, slowly morphing the minds of those who have passionate hearts and pure intentions, but lacking in absolute truth. Can you tell me the gospel? How do you present that to a religious system which intertwines culture and religion together so tightly? How can you reach the hardest of hearts, who understand nothing but shame and honor? What if they don't believe in sin? What god do they worship? ? Is he the same as YHWH? How far is too far in contextualization? Who is Jesus?

Many of these answers were unknown. These people question themselves.

Not all roads lead to heaven. We wish, we dream, we desire this..but its not reality. The road is narrow..

Deception. Heresy. Harsh? Yes, maybe so.

I am appalled, disgusted and angry at what I am discovering.

I say "How dare you."

What may seem ideal, is it truth?

Know you Bible. Know the Word. Be in it. Pray for discernment. Pray for wisdom.

May the Lord have mercy on us.

On the day of judgement may my hands remain clean of their blood.

Many call on the name of the Lord, but do not truly know Him.

This has to stop. The Gospel must be preserved. Must. Absolutely must.

"Take off your theology hats and put on your missions hat"....Really? What is missions without theology? What is one without the other? A symbiotic relationship that cannot be separated.

Who is with me?