Monday, November 16, 2009

Monday Musings

Today. Man. What a day.

I got around 5.5 hours of sleep. I woke up early to spend time in the the word. There is a whole selfish story to tag along with that..My SIM card disappeared. It was there before Philosophy, but not after. So I have no cell phone. That thing won't even tell me what time it is.. I had milk in my soup, took lactaid, and for the first time it caused a rash to break out in the middle of Phonetics. I went to teach, none of my students showed up. Two meetings, and solely fruit for dinner. Awesome. However, I can look back on this day, and be humbled. I remember being so upset about the SIM card, after I made lunch, I sat down and just prayed for grace. I prayed for humility, wisdom, patience, and a positive Christ reflective attitude no matter what the rest of the day held. I also prayed for my SIM card to be found, but that did not happen, however, i managed to remain calm, much more than before lunch. I am actually just tired. Not mad. Its only by God's grace that I can now "shake off" the things that would normally greatly upset me. Its amazing how prayer can really effect my attitude. Pray without ceasing, as Paul writes. It really does work. Things certainly did not go as planned,

Allie, when will you learn? How many times will we have to go through this? This song comes to my head. Its been in my head for a while now. I feel like this is true all around. I have been battling this all semester, this whole "Love your neighbor as yourself" truth. I feel like this goes for my internship, my classmates, my family, anyone. Loving a person is hard. Really hard. Its a choice we have to make. It takes effort, it takes patience, it takes time. I can only pray to show others His love. Some people, its harder than others. There is one person in specific that I know God has placed in my life, that really tries me. Sometimes I cringe, and feel like I don't have the patience to deal. However, that is wrong. I need to be in prayer for this person. Needy Christians can be trying to me. My mentality, is " You should be learn dependency on God, not me". However, some need to grow. I am learning to be that middle of the night phone call, that answer to help, that ear to listen. Its hard. I don't want to always do it. It can be inconvenient to me. However, Christ put up with me. He still does. Daily. He put up with loudmouth Peter, and doubting Thomas. I need to act like that. When will I learn? "Teach me your ways Oh Lord, and lead me to your understanding and righteousness. May I strive to become more like you. Give me love for others, patience, and wisdom."

Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing
It takes some time to see things through
Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting
We need grace either way

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying
It's a vulnerable place to be
Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby
Only one makes you free

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

If we go looking for offense
We're going to find it
If we go looking for real love
We're going to find it

Loving a Person
Sara Groves

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Ready, Break!

Do you ever have those days that you feel so driven? I love days like that. I'm having one today.

I have been on a schedule all morning, and its working out nicely. I'm sitting in this really pretty coffee shop in the Ukrainian Village that my friend Lisa took me to. I have finished two papers, and a "virtual field trip" since I've been here, while drinking two cups of decaf coffee with added cinnamon. Such goodness. I love this feeling of accomplishment accompanied by a simple pleasure. (In this case, my decaf coffee)

I am now trying to figure out how to write my philosophy paper. I looked at the instructions, and my brain somewhat froze up. So I'm taking a break. That class just scares me. It find it very intimidating.

I need to work on Internship things. I have one week from today to turn in my top three choices to the missions department. yikes.

Last night, I went to Jewel-Osco and saved 11 dollars on my gluten free, soy free, dairy free groceries. They are getting more stuff, and more deals. My heart was so happy last night. I feel like its a game when I go into the grocery store. How much gluten free food can I find? Lets compare the cost! I always stand in awe for a moment when I find something "normal". People probably think "what is that girl's problem? why is she staring at the shelf like that?" For example, I found gluten free waffles. Waffles, the kind where you just pop them in the toaster and within 90 seconds or so they come out nice and crisp, ready to eat. Its like getting to feel normal again. Really, I am getting used to this. I like not being sick, and being able to eat good food. It also allows me to be creative..if some would call it that. Maybe just weird.

The past few days, I have been so grateful, for a lot of things. Looking for joy, and finding it. God has been so good to me, school bill, groceries, health, friends and getting to now go home for thanksgiving. I love my friends and family. I'm just going to say that again. I am richly blessed.

"His mercies are new every morning, Great is YOUR faithfulness." -Lam. 3:22