Thursday, October 21, 2010

Rollercoaster

So this week is full ups and downs. Dontcha love it when you have to face reality? meh.

I think some reality is just plain crummy, but some is incredibly painful. I hate admitting things, but I know its good for me. How open am I going to be on here? I'll surface it, because I know there are readers out there who struggle with this, so here goes. Loneliness and rejection. Yes. Two things I hide from, avoid, run way ect..However, they exists and I am finally mustering up the courage to face these two. By nature, I typically have trouble crying. I will make the statement " I want to cry" and believe me, the desire is there but a tear may trickle...Finally I prayed the other night and wrote it out. Confessing before the Lord was not easy and the waterworks came out. I love when I do cry. Most days my emotions run deep, but not external. Im grateful in a sense, because I wont just cry anywhere and I can keep my cool. It usually takes alot to stir me. But a few nights ago it all came out. Oh, it hurt, and I literally prayed for Jesus to hold me. Finding comfort in talking to Him, confessing, stripping away pride, never fun but necessary. How else will the healing begin? I also had to write this paper about my life this week for mentoring women class, and that thing just stunk. It took way longer than I expected and was emotionally draining. This has been an unusually emotional week for me. I went to small group tonight and I am always encouraged by those people. I love my church. I am very grateful for a body of believers who care for one another and love the word. This church has such high standards and solid doctrine. I feel blessed. Oh, confessing is not fun, but thats why God gave us each other.

I've written some poetry this week, but thats not for publishing. yet. But in honor of poetry and the gift of laughter, I wlll post the Poem I wrote at 2 AM while on internship one night. Annie typed it in her phone, and we did read this aloud in our health class. So here it is..enjoy!

Dr. Suess on Celiac Sprue
Oh sprue
What did you do?
You damaged my nerves
You messed up my curves!
Don't eat the bread.
It'll mess up your head!
Down with the wheat
An enemy to defeat.
Gotta stay away from dairy
Because it's just so scary.
So many foods my body rejects
Now all edibles must be select.
The bread upon the shelf
Makes my body attack itself.
Going to the store is like a game
Sometimes I nearly go insane!
I inspect each and every label
Wary of foods to set upon the table.
Of each meal prepared I must beware
Oh patients of celiac, if you dare:
Eat the gluten
And you'll be poopin'.
Eat some bread
And you'll be dead!

2 comments:

  1. I know what you mean with crying - I'm the same way! I absolutely hate having an absolute waterfall come out of my eyes because it's SO emotionally draining and I'm SUCH a mess during and afterwards, but at the same time, it's SO cathartic. And so humbling! But Jesus is sooo good, and so faithful; always comforting and always healing.

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  2. You have two friends named "Annie" :) It's good to hear you are being encouraged by your church family and the Word! It is sweet to know that we are always provided for... even emotionally.

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