Inertwined: Celiacs, depression, and food.

Today is one of those days, one of those days I really much watch myself. That, sounds like I need a babysitter.

I have struggled with depression since I was in Junior high, severely. To think back on those suicidal days gives me chills. Its a bondage, it really is. Its a constant battle at times. A daily fight. To be in a moment, screaming out to God to take your life and end the horrific pain and torture felt at the given time, then waking up the next day, thinking it was all a dream. It feels like a split personality. I go through spells or "episodes", depending on the occasion. A spell is an extensive period of time perhaps a few months or so, where every other days is up and down, like a roller coaster. Onsets can be triggered by circumstances, and in some cases sin. For example, hardships, difficult circumstances ect.. those can lead up to a spell. Also, laziness, (spending time with TV versus the Bible), lack of fellowship in the church, or for some people, more explicit sins (drunkenness ect) can cause a spell. An onset is more of a trip for me. Its like I snap. I hate the onsets. Its like a monster emerging from me. One minute I am fine, then the next Im ready for the kill. From testing and experimentation, those have been triggered mostly by food. Who would have thunk it? Gluten. I was diagnosed as gluten/dairy intolerant 2.5 years ago. The worst was trying to remove the gluten. Mood swings were terrible. Trying to figure out what products contained gluten, was a nightmare. Physical pain goes hand in hand with auto-immune diseases, but the mental part was about equal. I felt so unstable. Thankfully, I have got this diet nailed by now. Who knew that this protein was causing a chemical imbalance and altering my hormones?

Today, I have to still watch what I consume. I have to keep track of my emotions and remain aware of where I am each day. On days I feel prone to being depressed, I try to remove other foods such as junk food and refined sugars. This helps. I also found that exercise is my biggest outlet to bring back the balance. Releasing the endorphins helps beyond what I thought it would. Journaling and writing also prove helpful. Most importantly, is crying aloud to God and staying in the word. Only the Lord can truly listen, truly perceive and understand what it is I am going though. Only He can heal. Others can be used by Him to help heal, but He is the one who does the healing.It seems like a lot of work sometimes, but its worth it.

Just a small testimony, and encouragement for anyone who suffers in this way, or anyone who thinks its fascinating. I am rather odd. Maybe this explains alot..