Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Ever have those days you just feel like that?

I only had three hours of sleep last night due to my meds having caffeine in them. Didn't know that..Sudafed "non-drowsy" keeps one awake *noted* I survived. Classes resumed today, it is always nice to return to routine. Its funny how my classes, all four subjects seemed to tie into together somehow. Bible teaching, to Philosophy to phonetics and then Christianity and Western Culture..weird. Its like my professors got together and decided to make everything fit together and even make the same jokes..

Well to get down to it, do you ever have those days you just feel guilty? Like the sins have been building up and just hanging over you? All day? I prayed briefly this morning that I would remain awake and alert today and all day, especially after chapel, I just felt terrible. Like I was guilty of all the world's crimes. I felt no peace, and my heart froze over. It was like I was unable to love, and move on past sin. I hate days I feel like that. In my head and my heart I know the truth. The truth that my sins are forgiven, because of a Savior's death on a cross, and I made a new creation in Him. My guilt and shame are removed and I now have freedom in Christ. Thankfully, these feelings subsided at the beginning of philosophy class as I was writing a prayer out, and I had a friend come up and talk to me..its funny how that broke me and my friend didn't even know they had served me in that way by making casual conversation. To top it off, that class, (even though I feel completely and utterly lost and seem to have no clue what's going on till' the information sinks in after class) always makes me laugh. My friends and their witty comments and inside jokes, and my cynical, yet hilarious professor, whom we all know is a genius yet he simplifies the subject for people like me; help me to enjoy that class. Then I have Phonetics, which is interesting to nerds like myself, but I will admit challenging, but there is yet another fabulous professor who encourages us with his stories and lessons he's learned and really enjoys engaging in our personal lives. Ah, i feel like I could expand more on my Professors, they really are quite wonderful. I never thought I'd even care to get to know them, but at this school, they really do love us crazy, confused, and yes sometimes dumb college students. I am blessed.

Well, today I feel like I have much to weigh in. This past week my convictions have been eating at me. Its taken so much of me to pray, and read my bible. My prayers this week being with "My hear and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"(Ps.73:26) It truly is astounding to be near to the Lord. I feel more and more convicted. I am tempted to be lazy, not to love others, not to pray, not to memorize scripture, and more, but God provides a way out.

Side Note: You know what else is great about memorizing scripture? God keeps it in your head, so you'll be thinking on all day. For example: Counting it all joy when I face any trial? really? or am I really taking care of the orphans and widows? how about discriminating against people? Am I becoming a judge with evil thoughts? Oh how the word does pierce the heart, sharper than any two-edged sword. God's word is convicting. Love my enemies? Honor those in authority over me? Love, patience, perseverance, self-control, gentleness, kindness, mercy? Have I become just a clanging noise without love shown to others? Do I really believe that God is my shelter and refuge? So much..

This post is rather long, and full of ramblings. Sometimes my thoughts really have no train..

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