Processing...

I should be doing a million other things right now, but Im not. I stopped. I need to process, think and pray. My heart is super heavy, like it gained pounds of burdens in the last few days. This week has been a little hectic. Ok, thats an understatement. God has made me emotional. Yes, I am human, and yes I am a girl. I am wired to feel and process my thoughts.

Loneliness creeps up on me..yes, I am busy, yes I have friends, but sometimes, meetings, work, class, homework, PCM, and administrating things can be hard. very hard. I would be lying if I said it was easy. I'm tired, and drained. You know when you fill like your at your wits end, and you have nothing left to give? I'm so there. I feel like I have no more energy, no more, anything. I cry out to the Lord, begging for energy, strength, and a renewed spirit. Apathy and laziness creep up and slip into the cracks of my hardened heart. They bring along their companions, loneliness, and self-pity, accompanied by anxiety, worry, fear and dismay. Disappointment, failure, and depression sink in..all of these things are sin. I feel entangled and trapped, desperate for a way out.

This morning, I finally accepted and discussed with my advisor about my health. my health may cause my internship to be stateside, in of all places, Detroit Michigan. The ministry is great, but I can name a few reasons why I don't want to go to Detroit. I want to go to Europe. My wings have been clipped..maybe..I am still praying, fighting, waiting for results..

Registration in confusing..
I want to cry.

Scream?

I want Jesus to hold me, and and just take me away from this world, and allow me to never look back.

However, I am called here, now, for a purpose. I struggle through this life, just as anyone else, and its all for a reason.

I have been assigned a lot of responsibility, with that comes sacrifice. Can I handle it all?

Yes, with help.

I am tired, weary, soul..asking for some peace, and wisdom.

Serenity prayer.

"Do not be slothful in Zeal, but fervent in spirit"-Rom. 12:11...this verse has been stuck in my head since last night. I actually got out of bed, turned on the light and had to look it up in my concordance, why its there, Im not sure, but its there..

Tonight is Gospel choir rehearsal. Yes.
Dear Lord,
I am desperate for You. I call on Yahweh. My healer, deliver, shield and defense. My refuge that I can hide in. Please comfort, and guide me.
Love,
Allie